Making Lemonade

As a new family you never think there will be a time you won’t be together. Sure, there may be a weekend or couple day trip that could happen, but for the most part you always envision you will stay together. What Brandon and I have to do now is anything but ordinary. Set aside the medical aspect of our life, we’re both still living in the U.S. just not in the same state. This concept is so odd to me. I think I could grasp it more if it were international or military related, but that’s not our situation. Now add in the medical aspect and you get a living nightmare. A new family, separated by hundreds of miles, as your daughter fights day in and day out in the hospital awaiting the gift of a new heart. Life isn’t supposed to be this way. 

We don’t have the normal milestones a healthy baby would have. By four months old, Emerson should be well on her way of enjoying tummy time, beginning to explore food, and getting more strength in her muscles. How we crave to see that happen, and eventually it will, but not in a normal setting. We get excited these days when we can just hold her, or she plays with a toy hanging oxygen wires over her bed. Life isn’t supposed to be this way. 

We knew this was going to be hard, but until the separation became a reality, I don’t think we knew just how hard. I will eventually settle into my own routine and way of life in my new “home”, but nothing is ever going to feel “right”. When all of this started, I lost sleeping every night with Emerson on my left. Now I’ve also lost Brandon sleeping on my right. Life isn’t supposed to be this way. 

Yet through it all, God remains the same. The same God in Vegas is the same God here with me in Loma Linda. The same God who safely guided us to the right doctors in Vegas is guiding the doctors here in Loma Linda. The same God who has performed miracles in Vegas is the same God who performs them in Loma Linda. The same God who heard my cries of despair and heart wrenching pain in Vegas is here in Loma Linda to provide the same comfort. I know God is here. I feel God is here. I see God is here. This is the strength that keeps me going. I frequently hear “I don’t know how you’re doing this,” and the simple answer is- I’m not. God is. God chose Brandon and I to be Emerson’s parents. To raise her, protect her and be her voice when she can’t speak up. As long as she lets me, I will speak for her. I will always be her biggest advocate. 

So I’m going to make lemonade out of the sourest lemons life has given me, and hopefully along the way, I can show others how real God is and how much He loves them. Let’s see how sweet I can make this lemonade, because let me tell you, once I’m finished, it’s going to be the best damn lemonade you’ve ever had.