1% and My Faith

1%. That’s it. There was a 1% chance when Emerson was born that something to this extreme would happen. We didn’t know this when we first got pregnant with her, but if you were given 1% odds, you’d take the risk, wouldn’t you?

We’ve talked a lot with doctors and nurses, not only about the path we’re now on, but how many times they’ve seen a case like hers. The nurse we had yesterday, who has been here 14 years on the same unit, has seen 3... 3 cases like Emerson’s. And each diagnosis and treatment is actually different. That’s crazy for me to try and comprehend. Doctor’s are lead to believe she was actually born with this condition and just took a while to present itself. With the size of her heart now, it doesn’t just happen acutely, it has to build over time. Our little girl was just compensating along the way until she couldn’t anymore.

As you’ve read in Brandon’s posts, when we heard this news we both just fell to pieces. When you’re thinking your daughter is dehyrdated, you’re not really thinking anything else could be wrong. Our journey went from one moment thinking we had given E a cold, to the end of the week being listed for transplant. In a way, I think we’re still both trying to digest this news. But I knew I had to be strong, and dig down and find strength I didn’t know existed. This is where God stepped in, in a big way.

Once we told family and friends what was going on, everyone started to send prayers on behalf of Emerson. Now I know prayer is powerful, and I’ve said this before, but it is the only thing that is keeping me going at this point. It’s how I wake up in the morning. It’s how I can keep getting bad news. It’s how I can ask doctor’s questions no new parents should have to. It’s how I can support Brandon when he’s weak. It’s how I can simply function. Without literally thousands of people praying for our situation, I would not be able to do anything. I’d just lay in bed all day and cry.

God had totally had his hand in this entire situation. What made Dr. Fox in Summerlin even think to check her heart? What were the chances the anesthesiologist who intubated Emerson was a student’s dad? What are the chances we meet Dr. Mayman, the cardiologist who diagnosed her, and he is the most empathetic man I’ve met? What are the chances we get flown to a religious based hospital, with Bible verses over the doors? What are the chances that our new doctor was one of Dr. Mayman’s students?

I hope people can see my faith in the midst of the struggle and know it’s real. Do I still get angry? Yes. Do I still question “Why did this happen to us?” Yes. But at the end of the day, do I know there’s the creator of the universe who loves Emerson more than I do? Yes. And I rest in His promises.