Hills and Valleys

As an adult, I love rollercoasters. I love the twists and turns, I love the adrenaline, I love the thrill, I love laughing and screaming when I’m on them. As a child, I was absolutely terrified of them. Growing up in Cleveland, we were about an hour away from Cedar Point, and our whole family would always spend a day there each July. I have very fond memories of our yearly family trips. So you would think, going there every summer, I grew up loving them.

I can still remember the first time I actually decided to ride a rollercoaster. Not some little kid one, or one that wasn’t too thrilling, my very first “adult” rollercoaster. I had just finished my 5th grade year and was 11 years old. At the time, the Magnum was still the biggest coaster in the park, and I decided I wanted to ride it with all my older cousins and brother. If they could do it, why couldn’t I? Waiting in line was torture. Each step we got closer to riding, I began to question my decision. What in the world was I thinking? I remember looking at the red track, hearing the coaster zoom by, and feel my stomach drop. Pretty soon it was our turn to load and I knew I had a decision to make: get on or walk through and let it get the best of me.

As I was buckled in, I was trying my best not to cry. I gripped the bar in front of me (as if this would somehow calm my anxiety), heard the attendant do his announcement, and felt the car begin to exit the loading dock. For sure no turning back now.

If you’ve ever been on a rollercoaster before, you know that soon after the ride begins, you’re taken to the biggest hill the coaster has to offer. We begin to climb the hill and I hear the gears turning and taking us up to the very top. The mantra in my head was something like “Keep your eyes open. This won’t be so bad”. As we reach the summit and take the first terrifying drop, I scream. Not out of terror, but of excitement! This was amazing! Each quick turn and hill was exhilarating. I was actually sad when it ended. As we pulled back in, I couldn’t wait to get on another one.

So what was I so scared of? I had built up this “monster” in my head and had been scared of rollercoasters up until this point in my life. I had spent so many family trips not experiencing the full capacity of each day. Now that I knew everything was in my head, I had nothing to be afraid of.

My life right now is a rollercoaster. Never in a million years did I think this is what I would be going through. Sure, this is not a thrilling coaster I would ever want to experience again, but I look towards the end. The end where my family can be back home in Vegas, all of this behind us, and I can say “Wow. We did that. And we’re still standing, stronger than ever.”

There will still be many more hills to climb and summits to reach. With those, there will still be exciting moments when Emerson gives one of her classic smiles that melts your fears, or stares at her hands with such awe and intensity that you can't help but smile. There will still be the drop that makes my stomach turn. But I’m not focused on those. I’m focused on the experience as a whole. That those who have chosen to ride with us, do so knowing the twists and turns. And will be there and be able to say, “Yeah, I felt each one of those with you.” While no one in our friends or family fully can comprehend what Brandon and I are going through (not a dig at you guys- we love you so much and need your support more than ever), we feel blessed enough that so many people have willingly joined this ride with us. Not because we asked you to, but because you want to experience the highs and the lows.

Who else knows suffering and feels each pain we do, not only feels it, but takes it away? Jesus. We’ve spent countless hours crying out, begging for healing and a miracle. We’ve felt the gentle spirit of Jesus calming us, and carrying us when we were too weak to stand. Jesus knows how this ends. Emerson is a child of the King. He loves her more than we do. And He’s watching over her every heart beat. So if He’s the one who created it, what should I be afraid of?